There, got that off my chest! But really, I am starting to get extremely frustrated. I am having memories of 4 years ago when I was trying to find a job and that awful 7 month waiting period I went through before finally finding one. You find a job, apply for it, think you really have a great chance of getting it (because you are more than qualified), but they already have someone in mind for the job before they even list it. FRUSTRATING!!!!
Or, you spend hours upon hours searching for jobs online and filling out applications. But attaching your resume isn't enough. No, you have to fill out the same information that is on your resume on the application, FOR EVERY JOB YOU APPLY FOR!!!! So time consuming, headache causing, eye-crossing, make-you-want-to-pull-your-hair-out annoying! I was finally able to get a job back then because of a good connection I had.
Well, now I do not have hours upon hours to spend searching for jobs and taking the time to painstakingly fill out the same information on all of them. I have a sweet baby girl to take care of (which I absolutely LOVE doing!) Just about the time I sit down and get a good start on an application, Kaylee wakes up from her nap, and by the time I have a chance to work on it again, my session has timed out and all the information I included has been lost. Ugh.
I am also finding out the hard way that apparently churches take their sweet time filling vacant positions. Now, I completely understand the importance of seeking God's will for the person who is the best fit for the church, I really do. But I submitted my resume to a church back in the middle of June, and after recent inquiry to their search I find out that they are still not officially accepting resumes! I guess I should have started trying to find a church job a year ago. Now I know.
Anyway, I really am trying to trust God's plan in all of this and to stop making my own. I am really thankful for our living situation right now, but the house we are in is not going to be easy to baby proof when she starts getting mobile in a few months. I don't need anything fancy, but a home to grow into would be nice. It's too bad mom's do not get paid to take care of their children, it really is some of the hardest, yet most rewarding work there is!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Fruits of the Spirit: Love
Love is one of the fruits of the spirit that I feel has been one of the stronger ones for me. Looking back on my life I have always had plenty of love for my husband, family, friends, and even occasionally for a stranger. So definitely not perfect love, but I did have a lot to give around, or so I thought.
And then I had Kaylee. I did not know my heart was capable of that much love. Over the past 5 months that love for her has grown so much, and I cannot even imagine how much it will continue to grow throughout her life and also the lives of future children. Please do not get me wrong; I am not trying to say you have to be a parent to experience an abundance of love. But it is a different kind of love that I had never experienced before and I am not sure if it can fully be explained unless you are a parent.
I have found that my love not only has grown for my daughter, but also to my husband, family, friends, and even more so to those I do not know. Sometimes I feel like my heart is just bursting with love for strangers whose stories I hear, whether they are encouraging ones or ones of struggle. I even find myself having more compassion to that person walking down the aisle at Walmart who I might have otherwise passed unnecessary judgement on. I still do not love perfectly, and I am not sure how to explain exactly why, but having a child has changed the way I love the world. I thank God everyday for what a blessing she is to me and to everyone who sees her, and for allowing something so little to change me in such a big way.
And then I had Kaylee. I did not know my heart was capable of that much love. Over the past 5 months that love for her has grown so much, and I cannot even imagine how much it will continue to grow throughout her life and also the lives of future children. Please do not get me wrong; I am not trying to say you have to be a parent to experience an abundance of love. But it is a different kind of love that I had never experienced before and I am not sure if it can fully be explained unless you are a parent.
I have found that my love not only has grown for my daughter, but also to my husband, family, friends, and even more so to those I do not know. Sometimes I feel like my heart is just bursting with love for strangers whose stories I hear, whether they are encouraging ones or ones of struggle. I even find myself having more compassion to that person walking down the aisle at Walmart who I might have otherwise passed unnecessary judgement on. I still do not love perfectly, and I am not sure how to explain exactly why, but having a child has changed the way I love the world. I thank God everyday for what a blessing she is to me and to everyone who sees her, and for allowing something so little to change me in such a big way.
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| How could you not love something as cute as this? |
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Fruits of the Spirit: Patience
There was a song I learned in high school FCA that went something like this.
The song would repeat listing various fruits that were not the fruit of the spirit. Anyway, this song has stuck with me ever since, and whenever I hear or read Galatians 5:22-23 I cannot help but sing the song in my head. I thought it would be interesting to blog about my reflections of these fruits and where I think I am with them currently in my life.
I am skipping ahead a few to patience because that is something I have been dealing with a lot lately. Most days I am good with this and trust in God's timing for my life, but other days are definitely more difficult. Yesterday was one of those days.
Let me give you a glimpse into a battle that seems to be constantly waging inside my head these days.
Then I am able to come back with reasons to all of these things to show how it is silly to stress over them because I am truly blessed beyond measure.
1. God will provide me a job in his timing. If I try to rush it I might end up at a church where I am not able to serve as well because it is not the place God wants me to serve at. And I am getting this extended "maternity leave" where I am getting to watch and help my daughter grow and experience life everyday.
2. No, the house we are living in is not the nicest, but it really could be a whole lot worse. We have shelter over our heads and a place to live where we are not paying rent while I am looking for a job and trying to save up for a house.
3. Kaylee does not realize she doesn't have a fancy nursery. She has all her needs met and she is so healthy and happy. Wanting a nursery is really my selfish desires that does not affect her well being.
So I go back and forth, back and forth between these thoughts about where I am in life. I ultimately know that we are exactly where we need to be and that God is providing and will continue to provide for our needs. But some days I am selfish and my heart really longs for the desires in the first list. It is on those days that my patience is really tested and I have to struggle harder to put things in perspective.
Please keep us in your prayers. First and foremost for the patience to trust in God's will and timing, but also for that to happen.
"The fruit of the spirit's not a Cherry... the fruit of the spirit's not a Cherry...if you want to be a Cherry...you might as well hear it, you can't be a fruit of the spirit 'cause the fruits are: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control."
The song would repeat listing various fruits that were not the fruit of the spirit. Anyway, this song has stuck with me ever since, and whenever I hear or read Galatians 5:22-23 I cannot help but sing the song in my head. I thought it would be interesting to blog about my reflections of these fruits and where I think I am with them currently in my life.
I am skipping ahead a few to patience because that is something I have been dealing with a lot lately. Most days I am good with this and trust in God's timing for my life, but other days are definitely more difficult. Yesterday was one of those days.
Let me give you a glimpse into a battle that seems to be constantly waging inside my head these days.
1. I really want a job. The things that follow will help explain many of the reasons that I want a job so badly.
2. I really want to own our own house. We have rented the past four years, and the place we are currently living is not a place I want to keep Kaylee in long term. It is an old house with its share of problems. It's not too much to ask for a dishwasher, more than one bathroom, and a place to call our own, right?
3. I really want to do a nursery for Kaylee. This would require having a house of our own. We didn't do one in Campbellsville because we knew that we were going to be moving after I graduated, and we did not want to move a lot of extra furniture. I have all of the bedding and accessories to go with it, and I have a great idea for her room, but still no nursery :-(.
Then I am able to come back with reasons to all of these things to show how it is silly to stress over them because I am truly blessed beyond measure.
1. God will provide me a job in his timing. If I try to rush it I might end up at a church where I am not able to serve as well because it is not the place God wants me to serve at. And I am getting this extended "maternity leave" where I am getting to watch and help my daughter grow and experience life everyday.
2. No, the house we are living in is not the nicest, but it really could be a whole lot worse. We have shelter over our heads and a place to live where we are not paying rent while I am looking for a job and trying to save up for a house.
3. Kaylee does not realize she doesn't have a fancy nursery. She has all her needs met and she is so healthy and happy. Wanting a nursery is really my selfish desires that does not affect her well being.
So I go back and forth, back and forth between these thoughts about where I am in life. I ultimately know that we are exactly where we need to be and that God is providing and will continue to provide for our needs. But some days I am selfish and my heart really longs for the desires in the first list. It is on those days that my patience is really tested and I have to struggle harder to put things in perspective.
Please keep us in your prayers. First and foremost for the patience to trust in God's will and timing, but also for that to happen.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Life Unexpected
A year ago today my life changed forever. John and I together saw the first glimpse of our baby girl. Now, granted at the time we did not know it was going to be a girl, but even just at 7 weeks pregnant, seeing that little blob confirming that there was life inside of me was one of the most amazing experiences ever. We could not hear the heart beat yet, but we could see it. I knew my life was going to change forever, but I could never have fully anticipated just how much.
Let me back up a few years. John and I had everything all planned out. We were going to move to Campbellsville for me to work on my masters, then I would find a job, get established at the church, and then, maybe a year or so after that, we would start a family. Little did we know at the time God had other plans.
I was perfectly fine with this plan for a while, or at least I tried to convince myself it was for the best. Then it seemed like everyone around me started to get pregnant or have babies. I felt like I couldn't get on Facebook without reading about someone else who was announcing the big news that they were expecting. Please do not get me wrong; I was extremely happy for all of those people. But my heart would start to ache with that same longing. I wanted to be a mom, even though logically it made sense to wait.
As I already said, God had other plans. We were both surprised the day the pregnancy test was positive. And it did not really click until that first ultrasound, and even then it took a while for me to realize that there was a life, my daughter, growing inside of me. I know everyone experiences pregnancy differently, but I absolutely loved it, even with the complications I had at the end causing me to deliver a few weeks early.
I love being a mom. I love watching Kaylee grow and experience the world around her with complete awe and wonder. It is amazing watching how she changes everyday and becomes more aware of her surroundings. I know that I am not new to these feelings, but it sure has been fun experiencing them first hand.
Kaylee has been with us for almost five months, and I cannot imagine our lives without her, and I cherish every breath she breathes. There are too many wonderful women who struggle to get pregnant or are not able to at all, or mom's who have to say goodbye to their babies before they are even born or only after getting to spend a short time with them. I have been close to several situations like this, and each one makes me value the life of my daughter even more. None of us are promised tomorrow, so I want to make sure I take in every moment I get to have with my child and thank God for her everyday.
A year ago today my life changed forever. I hope I have many more years to enjoy this change, and hopefully many other changes as well. Thank you, God, for the blessing of being a mommy.
Let me back up a few years. John and I had everything all planned out. We were going to move to Campbellsville for me to work on my masters, then I would find a job, get established at the church, and then, maybe a year or so after that, we would start a family. Little did we know at the time God had other plans.
I was perfectly fine with this plan for a while, or at least I tried to convince myself it was for the best. Then it seemed like everyone around me started to get pregnant or have babies. I felt like I couldn't get on Facebook without reading about someone else who was announcing the big news that they were expecting. Please do not get me wrong; I was extremely happy for all of those people. But my heart would start to ache with that same longing. I wanted to be a mom, even though logically it made sense to wait.
As I already said, God had other plans. We were both surprised the day the pregnancy test was positive. And it did not really click until that first ultrasound, and even then it took a while for me to realize that there was a life, my daughter, growing inside of me. I know everyone experiences pregnancy differently, but I absolutely loved it, even with the complications I had at the end causing me to deliver a few weeks early.
I love being a mom. I love watching Kaylee grow and experience the world around her with complete awe and wonder. It is amazing watching how she changes everyday and becomes more aware of her surroundings. I know that I am not new to these feelings, but it sure has been fun experiencing them first hand.
Kaylee has been with us for almost five months, and I cannot imagine our lives without her, and I cherish every breath she breathes. There are too many wonderful women who struggle to get pregnant or are not able to at all, or mom's who have to say goodbye to their babies before they are even born or only after getting to spend a short time with them. I have been close to several situations like this, and each one makes me value the life of my daughter even more. None of us are promised tomorrow, so I want to make sure I take in every moment I get to have with my child and thank God for her everyday.
A year ago today my life changed forever. I hope I have many more years to enjoy this change, and hopefully many other changes as well. Thank you, God, for the blessing of being a mommy.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Celebration of Life
This afternoon, my Granddad's life ended. Since I found out, I have experienced a range of emotions: sadness, relief that he is no longer suffering, and really still not fully grasping that he is no longer with us. I could give the details of the last week and a half that he spent in the hospital, but I would much rather reflect on some of my memories of him that make me smile.
His nickname for me was Tommy. My parents were expecting me to be a boy until I was born and surprise! He always gave me a hard time about it and would call me Tommy. I always claimed to hate it, but I remember being sad when I got older and he stopped calling me that.
He loved playing on his computer. For a while he helped with his church's webpage, and he always managed to somehow mess something up on the computer. My sister would be the one he would call to fix it, but would fuss at her the whole time she did it. It was always something that we would laugh about.
He could never hear what anyone said, and he would never wear his hearing aids. So that always made holiday dinner conversations interesting. He would try to participate, but usually his responses had nothing to do with the topic being discussed. His hearing only got worse, and eventually he would just nod at anything that was said to him, whether he really understood you or not.
Granddad lived a very full life of 90 years. I always loved that my birthday was the day after his, and growing up we used to celebrate them together. He and my Grannie were married for 68 years, which really is unheard of these days. He loved his wife, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. He loved God and his church. He was a hard worker, and I will always admire his dedication to life.
Granddad, you loved and were loved. We will miss you, but we know that you are in a better place and no longer suffering. As a Christian, that is all we can hope for.
His nickname for me was Tommy. My parents were expecting me to be a boy until I was born and surprise! He always gave me a hard time about it and would call me Tommy. I always claimed to hate it, but I remember being sad when I got older and he stopped calling me that.
He loved playing on his computer. For a while he helped with his church's webpage, and he always managed to somehow mess something up on the computer. My sister would be the one he would call to fix it, but would fuss at her the whole time she did it. It was always something that we would laugh about.
He could never hear what anyone said, and he would never wear his hearing aids. So that always made holiday dinner conversations interesting. He would try to participate, but usually his responses had nothing to do with the topic being discussed. His hearing only got worse, and eventually he would just nod at anything that was said to him, whether he really understood you or not.
Granddad lived a very full life of 90 years. I always loved that my birthday was the day after his, and growing up we used to celebrate them together. He and my Grannie were married for 68 years, which really is unheard of these days. He loved his wife, children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. He loved God and his church. He was a hard worker, and I will always admire his dedication to life.
Granddad, you loved and were loved. We will miss you, but we know that you are in a better place and no longer suffering. As a Christian, that is all we can hope for.
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| Kaylee with both her Granddad's at the hospital. |
Trying Something New...
So, I have decided to join the world of blogging. I really enjoy reading my friends blogs, but I have never been interested in doing one of my own until now. I decided that I would really like to put into words the things that interest me in life, including being a mommy, music, cooking and baking, well, you get the idea. So here goes nothing! Lets see how well I can keep up with this :-)
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